Not You Again!

I can tell at the moment my anxiety is peeking. It’s been a long time since it bothered me so I guess I had it coming.

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It’s a strange one because I feel very clear in the respect that the way I feel is because of anxiety.
Usually I lose this reality and slip into becoming totally irrational .

So What is bothering me…..

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It’s true just general life. Things I deal with every day.
Well this blog has always been a release so I’m going to write about the things that bother me daily.

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Let’s start with what I believe caused a lot of my self esteem issues. It’s cliche but….

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I have a few. Not this is not all on them.
In my last relationship I was often told I should lose weight , get my hair cut in a certain way and dress sometimes how they wanted.
At the time I never took this as more than advice .
I was loved up and always thought I was the lucky one. How did I land her?
It was a ticking time bomb. I didn’t feel good about myself and it lead me to do the worst thing I’d ever done.
I’m not proud.

It was good that it ended. I see that now. However we spent 3 years together and the majority of those times were good.

A year on and I’m still single.

Now I’ve dated hell I’ve had sex . Unfortunately I’ve just never felt a connection and sometimes that is just down to me and my feelings about myself.

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And then there’s work.

Now for the majority of the time I love my job. I get on with everybody at work and usually laugh all the way threw my shifts.

The thing is my boss is just ever so slightly ocd . In my job on some shifts I am expected to clean a kitchen to a high standard.
I want to nail it obviously but sometimes I have had to have that sit in the office. “You’ve missed this and that…” .
I used to be stronger with dealing with this sort of stuff. now though when I leave the kitchen after its cleaned I struggle to settle. That’s when my mind runs away with its self. “Did I do this? Did I do that? What’s he going to say?will I lose my job?”

So those are two big ones for me at the moment . Was great to get that off my chest.

Any advice drop it in the comment section or if you just want to vent do that to.

Justice For Kennedy – An Introduction.

So for those of you who don’t know I play drums for a band called ” Justice For Kennedy “.

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Click Here For JFK Facebook.

Playing music and being apart of creating and playing helps massively with my anxiety.
A sense of accomplishment , pride and overall joy witch we all need in our life regularly.

JFK – Members

Alex Lacey – Alex helms the band front and center with a genuine voice and powerful rhythm guitar.
I first met Alex about 8 years ago . We often talked about how the music scene had began to fade and people were playing for the wrong reason.
We felt that it should be about the joy of playing with close friends and sharing experiences . With that it made scene that we should play music together & find people with the same mind set.

Adam Palmer – Driving the band forward with powerful bass playing and catchy harmonies.
Adam met Alex and myself while working together at a local bowling ally. We all connected strait away.

I will be starting a band journal soon to follow us threw or gigs , recording. The fun times and the hard times.

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Thank You.