Forever Alone

So for followers of my blog you will no that the last 5 months have been amazing in so many ways.

I meet Sam. I’ve never felt like I have with her with anyone. This felt difrent . It felt right.

She is beautiful , funny , caring and a great mam.

We really did have a connection.

Now I fucked things. I messaged her mate early on into the relationship (about 5 months ago?) And said some inappropriate things. I have regretted that ever since.

The feeling that I might have lost her over something so fucking stupid nearly killed me.


Somehow we worked through it.

I tried so hard to show her how much I cared.

But have always had the argument where she says I don’t love her or she dosent deserve me.

I’ve fought and fought for us.

I made romantic gestures and even introduced her to my kids.

She was so good with them and they love her. It’s going to be very hard dealing with them asking to see Sam . Witch they do pretty much every day.

Kids don’t understand.

Things though have been hard and tonight while she was out drinking with her “friends” she started giving me shit for things I’ve done 5 months ago. Her friend decided to show the messages to her again while drinking. This was clearly to upset Sam.

Her friends seam to think they no best .

Then again recently she has been pushing away.

Tonight I drove to her at 3 in the morning to be confronted by two guys. Mates of hers trying to be intimidating. While I tried to talk to Sam.

Then her mate took over the talking to be frank and ask what we want.

I told her what I want “Sam” but Sam did not have the same strong reaction.

So her friend led her as she has all night into us having a “break”

Well fuck having a break. A break to me is giving up or a way to try and let someone down gently.

You see the thing is at the end off all of this. I realised something. I’ve been fighting for us from day one nearly because I love her.

I wonder at the end of the day did Sam just didn’t have the balls to end our relationship.

I’m struggling to think of any other reason behind all this.

Then I’m thinking after all that’s gone on. Her best mates not liking me male friends being threating. The fact that she clearly dosent trust me. Could it even work anyway ? Could we work through and past this shit.

I no I can for her if she wants me. I’ve never felt like this about anyone.

All I no is that I’m mentally exhausted.

Embarrassed . I caused it myself.

So at 4:25 am dosent look like I will be getting much sleep. I hope she sleeps well though.

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