Dating With Anxiety – Part 4

I don’t no why but I’ve always felt really uncomfortable on the phone my anxiety often peaks . I get paranoid that other people are listing and I mumble and no one knows what the fuck I’m on about 😂

Tonight tho I’ve been on the phone nearly 3 hours 😮

Turned out just needed to be someone I actually wanted to talk to someone I missed.

It felt like I was there with them.

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Dating With Anxiety – Part 3

Loyalty is very important. It dosent matter to me what others think . All I can offer you is my loyalty. I won’t leave you I won’t judge you.

What I will do is support you. I’ve struggled with anxiety , stress and at times depression for going on 20 years . I have learned ways to deal but it has made me very understanding to other people there feelings and what they might be going through.

Dating With Anxiety – Part 2

Oh you do love me ? Are you sure…..

See sometimes I have a lot of doubts about how people feel about me. My family , my friends and my partner.

I often don’t feel like I deserve any of them.

I wonder how she could love me / put up with me. Sometimes I can be sensitive about the littlest thing and it’s because I’ve already thought of 10+ negitive things about the statement you have made.

For example ” You really are a dick”

You see if this is character flaw bassed or something I don’t do. You can bet I’ve already been aware and beaten myself up in my head for months about it. Then when.you say it , it then feel 10x worse because you agree . It isn’t just in my head.

We had a little falling out lastnight over something I don’t do..something I’m aware of. What pissed me off is why haven’t I don’t anything about it before . I know I should be doing it . So what did I do . Took it out on the person that matters the most to me.

We made up and I couldn’t be happier about that.

I try to do little things to show her I care. I’ve switched of from.romance a long time ago but with her I want to show her how much I care. Not felt like this before.

I’ve been becoming a better person in a lot of ways by being around her. Seeing her kind hearted ways.

She lies here next to me now snoring in the cute way she does . I love it. I love her.

And I’m finishing this blog so I can go cuddle into her.

Brain is wired tonight tho so not sure if I’m.gonna sleep but I’m.going to enjoy the comphat of lying next to the person that means the most to me.

Dating with Anxiety – Part 1

Maybe I’m always going to worry I’m not good enough for you. In fact never mind maybe I no I will.

It’s true. I’ve caused some worry for myself and now I feel so stupid.

I often think I’m not good enough but then you look at me and tell me you love me and my heart melts.

I look in your eyes and I feel safe.

I fall asleep and wake up feeling bad because I would be given shit for doing the same with other partners. For that you look at me like I’m daft.

I have to keep reminding myself off this.

We could have the future I want.

A house , kids , marriage and Beeing stuck with me Forever.

I just sometimes have to remind myself that I’m loved and that you love me. It’s hard sometimes.

Budda Gets It Again.

Last night I had the realisation of peace of happiness I’ve never felt. I’m not sure how but when I’m with her I feel more wanted than I ever have been by anyone.

When we cuddle intogethr it feels like she is just part of me and I’m a part of her.

You see I’ve kided myself a lot in past relationships tried to lie to friends about how great it is and also lie to myself.

This though is unlike any relationship I’ve ever been in. I actually feel loved.

Has is been easy….

Hell no. We’ve had some pretty major fights in the early part of our relationship but we worked through them and no matter what we said about one another have moved on like it never happened.

In a way I feel like it brought us closer together.

Never Shut The Fuck Up…..

I talk ….then I talk…then I txt….then I talk….

I’ve noticed I can’t shut my daym mouth especially when my anxiety is peaking but when I was at my worst point last year I spent a lot of time on my own walking no talking.

I walked for miles every night armed with my Spotify and Pokémon go ( gotta catch em all quietly)

I thought about all sorts and at a few poits didn’t manage to hold back tears and must have looked like a crazy person walking by the road.

Hey don’t listen to Jonny cash when your depressed. 😂

You see I don’t seam to ever do this anymore . Just pop in the ahead phones and just walk no plan just keep walking deciding every turn as you approach them.

Was a good way to fill time. I wasn’t ready to be on my own just doing nothing. Needed to keep busy.

It’s not something I need to do unless I’m going through something . 

Suppose a coping method in a way.

Deserve You?

Trust has caused some issues in my new relationship. Mainly on my side. The insane thing is I trust her 100% and then my head fucks with me tells me my logic is wrong.

Well fuck you anxiety ! I no the truth now and to be honest I’ve known this all along.

She loves you. She wants only you.

I’ve never had anyone look at me the way she does. I’ve never had a look made me feel so wanted.