Tag Archives: blog


Its crazy how if im left and without distraction. My thoughts go strait back there. Where I don’t want to be.

Suppose it was a major part of my life and there are so many things left unanswered.

My life has just too another big change and I can tell it’s slowly effecting me too..it’s breaking my heart.

Blame It On My Youth ….

I was so excited when I heard the news blink where going to drop a track today ✌️

It was all out of the blue. I mean yeah I new they where recording but then just bam! New song!

I would have preferred to listen to this for the first time with someone I love. I’m sure however they will listen or have already listened .

I did not enjoy blasting it out the car on my drive to Hartlepool today. Had a really good time reliving some stress with minimum effort.

So this track is great but doesn’t sound like blink really….however I thought that the first time I heard feeling this was a big step from take of your pants and jacket etc.

It’s catchy and it has a good summery feel to it. I’m already singing along .

Hopefully more singles will release within the month .


As life goes on you really get a feel for who your real friends are.

It makes it more fun interacting with the fake ones running backwards and forwards telling tails like children and general back stabbing. I’ve had a few then need to reach out to me for favours …. You made your bed now you can lay in it!

So happy at the moment I can’t express it enough. Keep getting more and more good news and life in general is looking up.

I’ve realized now I don’t miss her anymore as I never new her really. I just miss the good times the memory of how it was most of the time. Even that is tainted now when I find out how things where behind my back.

You live and you can learn.

Hopefully tonight’s dream won’t include a conversation with her. Like last night . A reminder of a conversation where I was put down over my appearance.

And to think Cordelia dies too 😯

Put Down.

I’m starting to realize why I’ve had to deal with passive aggressive comments and the more I look back the more I realize who was pulling the strings.

I mean imagine finding out that you had been lied to and lied about.

I mean his family & he was made to think I was stopping him seeing his kid. That I was insisting that it didn’t happen and at the same time I’m being told he doesn’t make the effort to see his kid or make the effort.

I suppose at the time I never thought about how I was made to block his entire family incase of drama. Maybe incase I found out the truth or he did.

Anyone who knows me would know I would never get in-between a parent and there kid. It goes against everything I stand for. Everything I’ve personally fought for.

Horrible and minipulitive.

The more digging the more that will come to light.

You see people have tried to effect me put me down. It’s not working . I find it all pathetic how people will use others to try and find out information or even just spread lies. Even matching carpets to venues …. The word stalker comes to mind.

There are so many games in play i can’t keep up with it anymore. I just sit back.

So I just kinda sit in bed remembering the person who died and was replaced by a monster and wonder what the fuck happened.

And even now with all of this I can’t help miss her because I’ve not fallen out of love I just hope I will soon.

Angle rewach tonight. Cherry picked some stuff.

I can’t believe Wesley dies. Just did a rewach of that episode and the fact Fred dies first and comes back as a God who can’t remember Wesley.

It’s just a darker show.

Still prefer Buffy when angels son comes into angel it gets stupid.



Today has been really hard had a set back that I can’t help.Had that sort of dream again where everything is back the way it was.So I roll around in bed not able to sleep and it has a knock on effect all day.I’m tired and I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep this afternoon away.I wont though. I will try and put it in the back of my mind like everyday and go for a walk or something.


I have restarted too many times now. I’m out I truly believed that I found someone . I never connected with anyone like that before and it’s crazy . You miss the simple things like just being able to talk to eachother about anything. I’ve lost my best friend.

There is no one else as messes up as that is right now.

I said it “I’m done I’ve found the one , if this goes to hell . I’m done”

I will ment it.

I’m not quitting on having a life however and I’ve really been living it recently. Focusing on rebuilding trust and friendships.

For having time for myself.

For my car friends.

For my family.