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When Your Sad….

I’m Sad !

One thing I hate about Anxiety is always needing to fix and solve problems i hate things that I can’t control.

I’m.not even sure this is coman with Anxiety but it plays on my mind.

First of all of I don’t no what’s upsetting you is the worst. That means I have to go through millions of reasons you could be upset and then try and fix them all so that if I’m right I will no what to Do.

In reality I probly won’t. I will however try.

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Random Diary 31/1/18

This is more a diary entry unlike my other blogs.

Tonight was amazing. I met my lady we went for a drive to get some cake ! Turned out the cake was a let down but it was the journey that was fun.

I once we had walked around the shop and got our cake we headed for a drive along the sea front . There was a nice pub that I had been to before so we grabbed a drink and talked about all the strange things that had happened to ourselfs on various holidays.

I love getting to know more about her.

Then we drove further along the cost and pulled up . We walked along the promonard hand in had. I loved that she kept pulling me in for kisses.

We talked the whole time about a future house and about other random things.

Then we went back to hears for cake ๐Ÿ‘Œ

A simple night to most people but not to me. I loved every moment and I love her.

I hope these moments are as special to her โค๏ธ

Dating with Anxiety – Part 1

Maybe I’m always going to worry I’m not good enough for you. In fact never mind maybe I no I will.

It’s true. I’ve caused some worry for myself and now I feel so stupid.

I often think I’m not good enough but then you look at me and tell me you love me and my heart melts.

I look in your eyes and I feel safe.

I fall asleep and wake up feeling bad because I would be given shit for doing the same with other partners. For that you look at me like I’m daft.

I have to keep reminding myself off this.

We could have the future I want.

A house , kids , marriage and Beeing stuck with me Forever.

I just sometimes have to remind myself that I’m loved and that you love me. It’s hard sometimes.

How To Thinkย 

You know I seen this and I couldn’t have agreed more. Now I’m starting to write… actually fuck that .. I no how to think … THINK POSITIVE!

Just not easy is it . I can have a train of possitive thoughts and goals and then boom…

This crops up more so as I try to sleep. I have got myself into quite a possitive routine at the moment however. I suppose part is linked to lonlyeness.

Before I sleep I like to post a blog and edit a photo for my instergram.

I like waking up in the morning to notifications . Sad right. Makes me feel loved.

And then I switch my notification sounds off and shove on a Karl Pilkington pod cast and lie down like this untill my brain switches off.

Do I Want Her Back?

It’s strange right. I’m feeling pretty lonley at the moment and I feel like my clock is ticking.

Last night I had a dream that a reunited with my Ex and we ended up getting back together.

This had a strange effect on me.

First I woke up content and happy. In the end of the dream we had been cuddled in bed the usual my being the big spoon for a while then turning over . Usually threw the night I would wake up and go back to being the big spoon. I did this in this dream and she was gone. Then I woke up.

All day this has been in the back of my mind. 

Does this mean I haven’t gotten over her ? Or is it that I’m feeling lonley? 

Meh another puzzle another day โœŒ๏ธ

Exhausted.

This it so true right now.

I feel lonely a lot of the time at the moment and it’s something I’ve always stressed about. 

I’m 30 I have two kids and I want to share my life with someone. I had horrible break ups . I don’t no if I’ve got the strength to try again and if I do I’m not meeting anyone any time soon.

I seam to be stuck in a cycle at the moment. I can almost feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface ready to explode . 

I am for the most part controling it.

Work has been rough recently too lots of changes and things just generally going tits up.
I look forward to my sleep. Listing to my podcasts as I drift off….