Tag Archives: depressed

Dating With Anxiety – Part 2

Oh you do love me ? Are you sure…..

See sometimes I have a lot of doubts about how people feel about me. My family , my friends and my partner.

I often don’t feel like I deserve any of them.

I wonder how she could love me / put up with me. Sometimes I can be sensitive about the littlest thing and it’s because I’ve already thought of 10+ negitive things about the statement you have made.

For example ” You really are a dick”

You see if this is character flaw bassed or something I don’t do. You can bet I’ve already been aware and beaten myself up in my head for months about it. Then when.you say it , it then feel 10x worse because you agree . It isn’t just in my head.

We had a little falling out lastnight over something I don’t do..something I’m aware of. What pissed me off is why haven’t I don’t anything about it before . I know I should be doing it . So what did I do . Took it out on the person that matters the most to me.

We made up and I couldn’t be happier about that.

I try to do little things to show her I care. I’ve switched of from.romance a long time ago but with her I want to show her how much I care. Not felt like this before.

I’ve been becoming a better person in a lot of ways by being around her. Seeing her kind hearted ways.

She lies here next to me now snoring in the cute way she does . I love it. I love her.

And I’m finishing this blog so I can go cuddle into her.

Brain is wired tonight tho so not sure if I’m.gonna sleep but I’m.going to enjoy the comphat of lying next to the person that means the most to me.

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Dating with Anxiety – Part 1

Maybe I’m always going to worry I’m not good enough for you. In fact never mind maybe I no I will.

It’s true. I’ve caused some worry for myself and now I feel so stupid.

I often think I’m not good enough but then you look at me and tell me you love me and my heart melts.

I look in your eyes and I feel safe.

I fall asleep and wake up feeling bad because I would be given shit for doing the same with other partners. For that you look at me like I’m daft.

I have to keep reminding myself off this.

We could have the future I want.

A house , kids , marriage and Beeing stuck with me Forever.

I just sometimes have to remind myself that I’m loved and that you love me. It’s hard sometimes.

Budda Gets It Again.

Last night I had the realisation of peace of happiness I’ve never felt. I’m not sure how but when I’m with her I feel more wanted than I ever have been by anyone.

When we cuddle intogethr it feels like she is just part of me and I’m a part of her.

You see I’ve kided myself a lot in past relationships tried to lie to friends about how great it is and also lie to myself.

This though is unlike any relationship I’ve ever been in. I actually feel loved.

Has is been easy….

Hell no. We’ve had some pretty major fights in the early part of our relationship but we worked through them and no matter what we said about one another have moved on like it never happened.

In a way I feel like it brought us closer together.

Hey Anxiety … Kindly Fuck Off.

Will anxiety and my head ever alow me to be happy ? Seriously I can’t be the only person to ask themselves this every day.

Take for example if you feel like you have done something wrong and that the person you have wronged is simply busy after that and can’t talk that leaves you to beat yourself up. Over and over again.

Why did I do that ?

What’s wrong with me ?

Have I hurt people?

Why do I hurt people ?

People would be better off without me…..

You see my mind can make me not believe or trust the most honest person I have ever made. Actually no I no the truth I just have my head saying but what if?

I will not let this ruin me and my happiness . I am fighting with my head . I’m making changes I’m just going through a tough time at the moment.

A lot of things remind me of past trauma or things that have effected me emotionally.

I need to remember that I’m not repeating the same situation over again with the same person. 

Kinda Who I Am…

Don’t wanna bang on about this too much but seen this quote and its me !

It’s not beautiful however it’s hard specially with anxiety just telling you it’s going to fuck up or encoding you to fuck it up .

Im happier at the moment more than I ever have been. Unused to lie about things partners would do or say that way nice. 

Now I have a partner that actually does those things for me . No bullshit neasesery .

Nightmare… Actually I Loved It.

You ever had a good dream woke up and thought god daym I was enjoying that. We’ll that happened last night I have three vivid dreams that I woke up from I can only remember one.

Zombie apocalypse !!

I was running down a street being chased by some of the undead however they were quite a distance from me. There was another guy running with me but I didn’t know him.

I could see I hiding spot behind a old wall ….

No idea what it was doing in a city.

I was hoping the other guy would keep running and draw the zombies away from me. He instead joined me ..that’s when I turned into a dick.

I told him “stay here I will get help” jumped out from the wall and through a stone against it making noise so zombies were attracted to him and I got away while they got him…


From there I went into a house through a metal garage . It was full of weapons . I was over whelmed and didn’t no witch one to pick. Then I heard a dog barking .

Went into the rest of the house to see a dog chained up in the living room barking. I went back into the garage to get something to cut his chain.
It was atractting lots of zombies so I was going to let him outside to give them a run and destract once again from me. This time though the dog just walked through them as  they headed to me…….
Anyway there was quite a bit more to that dream but I’m getting tired and hoping I have a good dream again tonight.