Tag Archives: help

Exhausted.

This it so true right now.

I feel lonely a lot of the time at the moment and it’s something I’ve always stressed about. 

I’m 30 I have two kids and I want to share my life with someone. I had horrible break ups . I don’t no if I’ve got the strength to try again and if I do I’m not meeting anyone any time soon.

I seam to be stuck in a cycle at the moment. I can almost feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface ready to explode . 

I am for the most part controling it.

Work has been rough recently too lots of changes and things just generally going tits up.
I look forward to my sleep. Listing to my podcasts as I drift off….

Drowning.

This it totally true you have no idea if the people around you are struggling. I feel that people often put up a front as the idea of any sort of weekness is frowned upon.

When I’m feeling down I don’t hide it very well most of the time but I do tend to hibernate away in my room. We all have our ways off escaping into our self witch isn’t always best.

This is why I blog. Challenge myself to talk about it and talk to others it feels great !

Change.

If you don’t like the situation your in guess who can change it…..YOU.

You can’t take yourself out of a negative situation . Regardless of whether it’s a job you hate or a group of “friends” that are bringing you down. You can take the steps to move away and make your life happier. 

Stand up for the possitive life you want to lead.
At the end of the day……

Especially if there trying to drag you down that rabbit hole.

Leave Me Alone.

Sometimes Being alone can be my worst enemy and sometimes my best friend.

I have had a hang up about bedtime for a while now. It’s when my anxiety is the worst. When my brain really starts to fire up.

I have descovered ways to deal however. I now listen to pod casts three my phone. I perticularly enjoy ” How Did This Get Made ” and ” The Ricky Gervais Show” Believing that I should fall asleep listing to something that makes me smile not stress.

Some busy days now I look forward to that point in the day were I can smile and drift off into sleep. 
What a change for me.

Another Sleepless Night.

I deserve it but it fucking sucks.

I spoke (threw typed messages) to her today. She put something’s into perspective whatever I’m going threw she is going threw worse and it’s what I’ve put her threw that’s created it all.

I dunno what the fuck is wrong with me. Why I did such a vile thing. how I will make sure I never do that sort of thing again. 

So she has requested that I leave her alone. I do not message her. 

That’s going to be hard. I just want to say the right thing to make her hurt go away.not to save the relationship just make her happy again.

I don’t no if I have the strength to do this . 

I’ve been feeling borderline suicidal . The world really dosent need me in it. If I ended it all then I really would be gone after the initial act people would never be hurt by me again.

I am lucky though as I have two boy witch I love to bits I would never leave them in that way. It would be easier to do if I new there mother was good and caring but if I went theyd be stuck with her. 

Sad Times & Understanding Them.

So let’s just get this out there. Depression sucks ass. Those with it suffer sometimes daily and friends of those suffering try there best to understand.

It’s the nothingness that can be the worst . It’s a strange thing to describe feeling empty sort of numb. The good thing (taking from my experience , not always the same for others.) It tends to pass.

It’s the anxiety , sadness ,self loathing , hopelessness ,isolation and guilt that causes a constant cycle. Some times that cycle can be broken bit often enough it will find its way back too you.

Now our numbness and our difficulty to communicate cam often be read as not caring about others. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Friends and loved ones mean a great deal too us , never forget that.

Stick in there . Never be afraid to educate yourself on the subject of depression and be understanding.

It gets hard before it gets better.