I’ve been trying very hard to focus on my happiness at the moment and for the most part it is paying off.
This time last year I was so happy. New love and we shared an amazing bank holiday together. I won’t forget that. Was that my one chance of Real happiness . Probably not. It’s a great memory though .
I can’t be that happy again I just no it.
You know I seen this and I couldn’t have agreed more. Now I’m starting to write… actually fuck that .. I no how to think … THINK POSITIVE!
Just not easy is it . I can have a train of possitive thoughts and goals and then boom…
This crops up more so as I try to sleep. I have got myself into quite a possitive routine at the moment however. I suppose part is linked to lonlyeness.
Before I sleep I like to post a blog and edit a photo for my instergram.
I like waking up in the morning to notifications . Sad right. Makes me feel loved.
And then I switch my notification sounds off and shove on a Karl Pilkington pod cast and lie down like this untill my brain switches off.
So I’ve done a few fitness diarys on here and guess what…here’s another.
I suppose when I look at myself all I see is a over weight not as young looking as I feel sack of shit.
Harsh but true. I suppose all that’s left for me to do is change that myself.
Last time I had a successful weightloss was using weight burners to assist.
This time I am using this one . It is to be taken up to three times a day with food. I am taking it just twice daily and trying to add exercise aswell.
Is this cheating probably…
I couldn’t believe that I managed to run 5K at my first session back. I suppose I can always say I have good stamana and thats probably from drumming.
I find myself trying to explain myself a lot, I think those with Anxiety often do. We have to because we are programmed to fuck up once and a while.
It’s not easy to explain the things we have done or why.
Most of the time we can’t explain it to ourselves.
All I try and tell people is that I’m carrying and I’m.always planning for the worst case sinario.
So it’s just past midnight and I should definitely be going to sleep.
Problem is my anxiety and stress levels have been through the roof.
Usually I no what to do how to improve what I should change but I’m at a loss.
It’s a new day . I am going to try and take control back. I’ve been on the verge of a Anxiety attack for a while now. I’m still fighting.