It’s strange right. I’m feeling pretty lonley at the moment and I feel like my clock is ticking.
Last night I had a dream that a reunited with my Ex and we ended up getting back together.
This had a strange effect on me.
First I woke up content and happy. In the end of the dream we had been cuddled in bed the usual my being the big spoon for a while then turning over . Usually threw the night I would wake up and go back to being the big spoon. I did this in this dream and she was gone. Then I woke up.
All day this has been in the back of my mind.
Does this mean I haven’t gotten over her ? Or is it that I’m feeling lonley?
Meh another puzzle another day ✌️
This it so true right now.
I feel lonely a lot of the time at the moment and it’s something I’ve always stressed about.
I’m 30 I have two kids and I want to share my life with someone. I had horrible break ups . I don’t no if I’ve got the strength to try again and if I do I’m not meeting anyone any time soon.
I seam to be stuck in a cycle at the moment. I can almost feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface ready to explode .
I am for the most part controling it.
Work has been rough recently too lots of changes and things just generally going tits up.
I look forward to my sleep. Listing to my podcasts as I drift off….
This image has really got me tonight.
My life feels a bit down the drain at the moment feel like I’m going threw the motions have I felt suicidal no… But I find it hard to realise when I am. I get close but I could never leave my kids.
When I’ve been close to jumping I’ve thought about them. Thoughts of them are what hold me to the bridge.
You see my life is shit at the moment and I’m doing things to change that.
Im being creative . Writing a book , playing in a band , publishing and selling my photography and creating blogs.
The problem is I don’t have someone to share this with.
Same shit has caused me to be alone again. I fucking hate it. I don’t think I can take the hurt again. I just want to be loved and love in return instead of being told I am when I’m not. Pretty much how all of my relationships end..
Just a down day today I suppose.
So a strange thing happened a month or so …. I just stopped biting my nails. I didn’t try to stop biting them and I only noticed when they were long and I caught myself with one.
Now I’ve always related my nail biting to my anxiety . What’s strange is I’ve had quite a few flare ups but still I have not gone back to biting my nails.
This is causing some problems …. I have no idea how to care for my nails. I’d never had to cut them before for example. I M currently typing this with a broken nail. I have no idea what to do with is so I’m just leaving it! If you no what to do please let me no in the comment section hahah.
When i find the love I’m sure i will go for it 😂
However at the moment my love is coming from my friends and my family. I’ve had some tough times and at times i do feel like I’m drifting three life but hey. I’m here . I’m sure things will get better ✌️
Screw it you can’t live your life like this…We no this. So why do we?
Depends on the day for me I like to make the effort to take chances most of the time but it sure as hell is scary.
The problem is getting hurt the more it happens dosent seam to toughen me up just makes me more worried for the next hurt round the corner.
But fuck it I must be a gluten for punishment.
You no I’m sick of being alone and I’m sick of making the effort getting involved and finding myself back alone.
It’s a repeating pattern . It’s a shitty one.
The worst part is falling in love with people who don’t love you .
You see I never seam to have a clue when this is happening. The last relationship was a big one for me.
Meeting new people seams like such a effort but I’m trying I don’t no how much trying I’ve got left in me.