Tag Archives: relationship

Exhausted.

This it so true right now.

I feel lonely a lot of the time at the moment and it’s something I’ve always stressed about. 

I’m 30 I have two kids and I want to share my life with someone. I had horrible break ups . I don’t no if I’ve got the strength to try again and if I do I’m not meeting anyone any time soon.

I seam to be stuck in a cycle at the moment. I can almost feel my anxiety bubbling under the surface ready to explode . 

I am for the most part controling it.

Work has been rough recently too lots of changes and things just generally going tits up.
I look forward to my sleep. Listing to my podcasts as I drift off….

Love Heals.

Wow … I’ve rewritten this twice. I have two strong contrasting opinions on this.

Opinion 1.

Love and partnership can bring you so much happiness. You can learn so much more about yourself and others can open you up to experiences that you wouldn’t undertake on your own.

Opinion 2.

Love can fill a void and be forced . Love is not the way to ignore problems within yourself. Once you feel strong on your own your probably not going to still need that partnership. Or comphet blanket. This leads to people getting hurt.
So witch opinion do you agree more with ? Let me no and why in the comment section.

Inside.


So I was told by a friend I let the little things slide or I ignore the cracks when I’m in a relationship.

Man he was right it’s true in that aspect of my life I burry my head or think of nice reasons why they are doing the things they are.

In my day to day life though . You piss me off and I will tell you in great humourous detail why .

I think I need to apply the later to future relationships.

Scary New Year.

So The Last Year Has been a funny one. I had been recovering from a break down of a 3 1/2 year relationship and really feeling that I had nothing left to give.

My anxiety has peaked and I felt myself struggling with things .

I was struggling with letting go and wondering if that was it for me.

I then met someone this year who changed things for me. Regardless of how it ended . I no that I am capable of letting people in and recovering from the hurt if it goes south.

Am I still hurting ? Of course but I’m dealing better than.i thought I would.

So I’m gonna look after me & my family.

Enjoy many wild new year’s like this…..

I’m going to continue to enjoy life be creative and make friends & connections.

The people I’ve met this year have really influenced me and shown me something’s I didn’t no about myself.

You no what if I go a year making people happy I can deal with the lonleyness . Help the world spin a bit brighter.

And after all….

Keep It Inside.

I have a lot of people asking me “are you okay”. Most of the time in my head I’m thinking. I was until you asked me dam it!

Truth is I’ve been hurting for weeks now (it’s what I deserve). I just think keeping it to myself is better for everyone else. Plus’s the one person I felt I could talk to about this I can’t anymore.

Do you find yourself doing the same thing ? I bet you do. It sucks right?

I just don’t want to hurt anyone else. I don’t want what I’m going threw to bring others down.

Tears.

You no what? 

I’ve been on the verge of tears for about a week. I fight them every time. Every time.

I don’t no why I do I think just let it come out and then no James pull yourself together .

I’m hurting at the moment and I no I’m projecting a lot of anger on to others.

I just want the pain to stop. Every reminder , every second of free thought goes back to thinking of her , us.

I feel alone . Hurt. Horrible for what I’ve done. 

Another Sleepless Night.

I deserve it but it fucking sucks.

I spoke (threw typed messages) to her today. She put something’s into perspective whatever I’m going threw she is going threw worse and it’s what I’ve put her threw that’s created it all.

I dunno what the fuck is wrong with me. Why I did such a vile thing. how I will make sure I never do that sort of thing again. 

So she has requested that I leave her alone. I do not message her. 

That’s going to be hard. I just want to say the right thing to make her hurt go away.not to save the relationship just make her happy again.

I don’t no if I have the strength to do this . 

I’ve been feeling borderline suicidal . The world really dosent need me in it. If I ended it all then I really would be gone after the initial act people would never be hurt by me again.

I am lucky though as I have two boy witch I love to bits I would never leave them in that way. It would be easier to do if I new there mother was good and caring but if I went theyd be stuck with her.