Tag Archives: relationships

Community​. #Trigger Warning#

This image has really got me tonight.

My life feels a bit down the drain at the moment feel like I’m going threw the motions have I felt suicidal no… But I find it hard to realise when I am. I get close but I could never leave my kids.

When I’ve been close to jumping I’ve thought about them. Thoughts of them are what hold me to the bridge.

You see my life is shit at the moment and I’m doing things to change that.

Im being creative . Writing a book , playing in a band , publishing and selling my photography and creating blogs.

The problem is I don’t have someone to share this with.

Same shit has caused me to be alone again. I fucking hate it. I don’t think I can take the hurt again. I just want to be loved and love in return instead of being told I am when I’m not. Pretty much how all of my relationships end.. 

Just a down day today I suppose. 



So I’ve been walking a lot it’s crazy how far you can walk when your lost in your own thoughts.

It’s good to walk play a little Pokemon Go , listen to some music and think over things …a lot of things.

3 days without any contact with her. Is it supposed to be getting easier because at times it definitely isn’t.

However it was her request and after what I’ve done I would do anything that would make her happy .

Stay Positive.

So for those who do not follow my blogs I took to blogging mainly to have free expression and coincide with my anxiety.

Man it fucking helped 🙂

You guys helped me ! For that I am forever grateful.

For a year I struggled . I couldn’t sleep , nights were the worst.

I took to listing to pod casts that made me smile on a night (manky Karl Pilkington) and threw here found that many other people do the same.

My job was hard . I changed from a soulles job of tell marketing to being a chef. Both jobs with different types of stress but this was the type I could manage.

Also I could have more interaction with Co workers as in a call center. You obviously can not talk while taking calls for 7 hours !!

The only thing was I found myself very lonely. After the self implosion that was my last relationship I had become a little numb to other people.

People were interested , but I just couldn’t make that connection and often feeling awkward & out of my depth.

Then something great & definitely scary happened. I met Amy. We connected pretty quickly and she could actually hold a conversation threw messages (yes online dating ! ) 

There was competition however with another girl who’s opening message read ” hi you seam cool. I have type two diabetes and can’t drive hope that doesn’t bother you.” How could I resist that ?

So it’s crazy. She gets me I can tell. I don’t have to try and be something I’m not.

I feel comfortable to share anything with her . Completely honest.
So my life is on the up and I wanted to share it with you guy because you’ve been here threw the worst of it. You’ve shared your experiences and offered positive words.

If your having a hard time off it . Keep your head up , keep strong and remember you are awesome , it’s just a bad day.

Things get better.

10 Positive Things

I was reading some of my follower’s blogs and had seen that one follower had seen this idea. So i decided to take part too.

– To write 10 positive things about you that has nothing to do with any of your mental health issues.

It seems like a very positive exercise and a hard one. I’ve been trying to think of ten until the early hours last night. At the moment I cannot see many positive things about myself so this has been a real challenge and I have had input from others.

  1. I’m a hard worker. I strongly believe in working up in life and thinking nothing is below you. Muck in basically.
  2. I am a Dad and I love it. We have a very close relationship and I hope it stays that way as the boys get older.
  3. I am a really sensitive person and very loving. This can cause negative things but it is also very positive.
  4. I am a big gamer. I’ve been gaming since I was 14 maybe younger. I game at least every couple of days.
  5. I have a best friend who is like a brother to me.
  6. I have lost over a stone in weight since January.
  7. I am training to run the Great North Run this year. It’s a half marathon. So far I’m running three miles 4/5 days a week so far. So getting there.
  8. I own 1000’s of comics and are still an avid reader. I have some very rare comics. I have also given some away to people who have really helped me threw things.
  9. I can play bass guitar and drums. I have been in loads of bands and love it.
  10. My idol is Mark Hoppus & Nicholas Brandon. Both very talented people and have warm, honest personalities.

This was very hard to write and post.