I’m Sad !
One thing I hate about Anxiety is always needing to fix and solve problems i hate things that I can’t control.
I’m.not even sure this is coman with Anxiety but it plays on my mind.
First of all of I don’t no what’s upsetting you is the worst. That means I have to go through millions of reasons you could be upset and then try and fix them all so that if I’m right I will no what to Do.
In reality I probly won’t. I will however try.
This is so true about relationships . I new my last one was falling apart and I tried to do everything in my power to stop it happing. It was too late.
I do look back we were happy for the most part…well I was.
I also look back though and realize it wouldnt work. Those reasons are personal but I have had time to assess and move on.
Do I miss her. Hell yeah but it wouldn’t work…would it…no course it wouldn’t.
This image has really got me tonight.
My life feels a bit down the drain at the moment feel like I’m going threw the motions have I felt suicidal no… But I find it hard to realise when I am. I get close but I could never leave my kids.
When I’ve been close to jumping I’ve thought about them. Thoughts of them are what hold me to the bridge.
You see my life is shit at the moment and I’m doing things to change that.
Im being creative . Writing a book , playing in a band , publishing and selling my photography and creating blogs.
The problem is I don’t have someone to share this with.
Same shit has caused me to be alone again. I fucking hate it. I don’t think I can take the hurt again. I just want to be loved and love in return instead of being told I am when I’m not. Pretty much how all of my relationships end..
Just a down day today I suppose.
So The Ex has gone out tonight with her work do for drinks.
Why the fuck does this bother me so much. I hate all the shit in my head right now.
“She’s gonna get drunk and kiss or fuck someone”
“She might get drunk and hurt”
“She might get drunk and sad”
To be honest I should be able to deal with this a bit better… actually a lot better. I’ve been in and out of sleep now for 5 hoirs and it dosent seam to be getting any better.
I suppose I just wanted to rant.
This is me. I’m done . I’m lucky I have to kids that I love to bits that ground me at times like this. If never leave them.
I think she thinks it would be easier to just ignore me as that what she’s doing majority of the time. I still have a lot of things I want answers for …I don’t no if those answers will help.