So it’s just past midnight and I should definitely be going to sleep.
Problem is my anxiety and stress levels have been through the roof.
Stuff with work , kids , ex’s , lonlyeness and quite frankly general unhappy was is getting on top of me.
Usually I no what to do how to improve what I should change but I’m at a loss.
All I can finish try this …
It’s a new day . I am going to try and take control back. I’ve been on the verge of a Anxiety attack for a while now. I’m still fighting.
This image has really got me tonight.
My life feels a bit down the drain at the moment feel like I’m going threw the motions have I felt suicidal no… But I find it hard to realise when I am. I get close but I could never leave my kids.
When I’ve been close to jumping I’ve thought about them. Thoughts of them are what hold me to the bridge.
You see my life is shit at the moment and I’m doing things to change that.
Im being creative . Writing a book , playing in a band , publishing and selling my photography and creating blogs.
The problem is I don’t have someone to share this with.
Same shit has caused me to be alone again. I fucking hate it. I don’t think I can take the hurt again. I just want to be loved and love in return instead of being told I am when I’m not. Pretty much how all of my relationships end..
Just a down day today I suppose.
You no what?
I’ve been on the verge of tears for about a week. I fight them every time. Every time.
I don’t no why I do I think just let it come out and then no James pull yourself together .
I’m hurting at the moment and I no I’m projecting a lot of anger on to others.
I just want the pain to stop. Every reminder , every second of free thought goes back to thinking of her , us.
I feel alone . Hurt. Horrible for what I’ve done.