This is how I feel most days . I think I am miss understood quite a bit. My friends often say that I always have the right things to say . It’s because I’ve thought of about Ten things to say and twenty senarios that could caused by that and then I run them threw my head over and over.
Then I pick what to say.
How many times have we said this to someone or has it said to us. Sometimes we are left without anything else to say.
I’ve been trying very hard to focus on my happiness at the moment and for the most part it is paying off.
This time last year I was so happy. New love and we shared an amazing bank holiday together. I won’t forget that. Was that my one chance of Real happiness . Probably not. It’s a great memory though .
I can’t be that happy again I just no it.
This is a great quote.
To me time always seams long drawn out but just passing by.
Is that a existence …I’d say no. Well what better time than now to change things !
You know I seen this and I couldn’t have agreed more. Now I’m starting to write… actually fuck that .. I no how to think … THINK POSITIVE!
Just not easy is it . I can have a train of possitive thoughts and goals and then boom…
This crops up more so as I try to sleep. I have got myself into quite a possitive routine at the moment however. I suppose part is linked to lonlyeness.
Before I sleep I like to post a blog and edit a photo for my instergram.
I like waking up in the morning to notifications . Sad right. Makes me feel loved.
And then I switch my notification sounds off and shove on a Karl Pilkington pod cast and lie down like this untill my brain switches off.
I suppose right now I’m quite numb but pained. Strange sentence right.
I was lonley and not ready to get into a relationship for whatever reason I’ve tried. Just can’t find it. So I’ve been filling my life up to the brim. Extra time with my kids , going to the gym , doing my photography and catching up with friends.
I do have hope though. I am going to list what I hope for . Maybe one day I will look back on it and I will have some off these things.
* To feel healthy
* To fall in love
* To make more friends
* Be financially stable
Maybe some goals and things I hope for are easier to achieve than others. Let’s see what the future brings.
This is so true about relationships . I new my last one was falling apart and I tried to do everything in my power to stop it happing. It was too late.
I do look back we were happy for the most part…well I was.
I also look back though and realize it wouldnt work. Those reasons are personal but I have had time to assess and move on.
Do I miss her. Hell yeah but it wouldn’t work…would it…no course it wouldn’t.
I find myself trying to explain myself a lot, I think those with Anxiety often do. We have to because we are programmed to fuck up once and a while.
It’s not easy to explain the things we have done or why.
Most of the time we can’t explain it to ourselves.
All I try and tell people is that I’m carrying and I’m.always planning for the worst case sinario.